A TRIANGULATION SUBSIDIARY OF SHAPES
BEN'S WALLET
BY BENCORP.NET
A Triangulation Subsidiary of SHAPES Inc. · Organized Under the Triangle Framework · Est. Moments Ago
The world's first and only authorized platform for viewing and billing Ben's personal wallet. Choose the tier that reflects how many times you'd like to bill Ben.
SUBSCRIPTION TIERS
All plans subject to Subscription Terms, Terms of Terms, Additional Terms, Another Set of Terms, Usage Agreement, and Gary Policy.
ALWAYS FREE
FREE
Unlocks the Ability to Look at Ben's Wallet
- ›Authorized wallet viewing access
- ›Behold the wallet in its natural state
- ›Unlimited looking (subject to Fair Gazing Policy)
- ›No transaction capability whatsoever
- ›Complimentary sense of proximity to wealth
0 billable events included
MOST POPULAR*
PRO PLAN
Bill Ben's Wallet Twice
or $899/month
- ›Bill Ben's Wallet twice (2 events unlocked)
- ›Maximum charge per individual transaction: $100.00
- ›1 transaction included per subscription
- ›Additional transactions available for additional fees
- ›Pro Plan Certification (digital, non-printable, non-transferable)
- ›Everything in FREE
2 billable events unlocked · 1 included
* As of the time of writing, no other plans had been selected. Updated: still true.
SERIOUS COMMITMENT
MAX TIMES FOUR
Bill Ben's Wallet Thrice
- ›Bill Ben's Wallet thrice (3 events unlocked)
- ›Maximum charge per individual transaction: $100.00
- ›1 transaction included per subscription
- ›Additional transactions available for additional fees
- ›Priority support (Denise checks email bi-weekly)
- ›Max Times Four Subscriber Designation (verbal)
- ›Everything in PRO
3 billable events unlocked · 1 included
FOR THE COMMITTED
MAX TIMES NINETEEN
Bill Ben's Wallet Five Times Minus One
- ›Bill Ben's Wallet 5 times minus 1 (4 events unlocked)
- ›Maximum charge per individual transaction: $100.00
- ›1 transaction included per subscription
- ›Additional transactions available for additional fees
- ›White-glove onboarding (Kevin will attempt to call)
- ›Executive Wallet Access Badge™ (non-functional, decorative)
- ›Everything in MAX TIMES FOUR
4 billable events unlocked · 1 included
ALL PLANS: Usage capped at one (1) transaction per subscription. Additional transactions available at Supplemental Transaction Rate (determined at time of request). Maximum charge per individual Billable Event: $100.00 USD. Gary ineligible for all tiers. Wallet availability not guaranteed. BenCorp is not responsible for the wallet's contents, condition, or attitude. Ben has been informed.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
LEGAL & COMPLIANCE DOCUMENTATION
Ben's Wallet by BenCorp.net · Triangulation Subsidiary of SHAPES Inc. · Reviewed and Approved by the Appendix
TABLE OF LEGAL CONTENTS
Terms and Conditions
Version 44.2.1 · Revised Q2 MMXXVI · Pending Further Revision
1.1 ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS
By accessing, viewing, hovering near, thinking about, or being made aware of Ben's Wallet by BenCorp.net (collectively, the "Service"), you agree to be bound by these Terms. If you do not agree, you may not use the Service. You have already used the Service by reading this sentence. You agree.
1.2 DEFINITIONS
"Ben" refers to Ben. "The Wallet" refers to Ben's wallet, being the physical or metaphysical container of Ben's financial instruments and, reportedly, a very old grocery receipt. "Gary" refers to Gary, who is excluded. "Kevin" refers to Kevin, Head of Subscription Processing, who is doing his best.
1.5 LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
Our total cumulative liability shall not exceed the amount you paid for your subscription in the most recent billing cycle, or $4.00, whichever is less.
Privacy Policy
Effective Immediately · Last Reviewed: Eventually
We collect information you provide directly, including your name, email, billing information, and general attitude. We may also receive information from Gerald, who has been monitoring things, and from Karen in HR/Filtration, who maintains a list.
We do not sell your personal information, except to SHAPES Inc. subsidiaries, which are technically us, just shaped differently.
Gary Policy
Comprehensive · Final · Unwavering
13.1 GARY IS EXCLUDED
Gary is excluded from Ben's Wallet by BenCorp.net. Gary is excluded from all BenCorp services, products, subsidiaries, common areas, events, communications, and triangulation frameworks. Gary is excluded from the SHAPES Inc. family of companies.
13.2 THE HISTORY OF THE GARY EXCLUSION
Gary's exclusion predates Ben's Wallet, BenCorp.net, the founding of SHAPES Inc., and the triangulation framework. The origin is classified. The Appendix has the file. The file is sealed. Gary remains excluded.
13.4 GARY'S ONGOING ATTEMPTS
Gary has attempted to subscribe on seven (7) documented occasions. Each attempt was automatically declined. Gary submitted a 22-page document titled 'The Case for Gary.' The Appendix remains unconvinced.
This page and all Terms, Policies, Agreements, and Instruments contained herein were reviewed and approved by the Appendix, which has nothing else to do. Ben's Wallet by BenCorp.net is a Triangulation Subsidiary of SHAPES Inc. The Shapes are not responsible for the wallet. The wallet is Ben's.