ABOUT US
Official Employee Directory · Internal Organs Division
43 yrs of service. Refused retirement. Runs on spite.
47 tabs open. Micromanages everything. Takes all the credit.
Has seen EVERYTHING. Holds every grudge. Moonlights as the bar.
Larry has a massive inferiority complex. Linda sighs at Carl.
Loudest at 2 AM. Peak performance: tacos. Worst day: salad.
Karen wants to speak to Gerald's manager. Kevin stress-sweats.
Nobody knows what she does until she stops. Never been thanked.
The literal backbone. "I'm fine." (He is not fine.)
Leaves every meeting 20 min early. No concept of convenient timing.
Takes 6 meters to say what others say in 6 words.
Has the last word. Always. Results are... definitive.
Created a "situation." Separated from service: Feb 2017. Not missed.
CAREERS
Current Openings · Internal Organs Division
Sr. Pump Operator
- REPORTS TO
- Gerald (CEO / Brain) — though he takes all the credit anyway
- EXPERIENCE
- 43+ years preferred. Must run on spite. Retirement refusal is a plus.
- REQUIREMENTS
- 24/7 availability. No breaks. No vacations. No complaints. Must tolerate Linda sighing at you.
- COMPENSATION
- Blood. You get blood. That's the deal.
BEN CORP is an equal opportunity employer. All organs welcome. Except Gary.
MEDIA KIT
Official Press Materials · Fiscal Year 2026 · Q2 Projections (Speculative)
For media inquiries, corporate partnerships, or if you're trying to figure out what exactly BenCorp does (we're still working on that ourselves), download our official media kit featuring company overview, organizational structure, and performance metrics.
VIEW MEDIA KIT →Inquiries processed in the order in which they are forgotten.