TERMS OF SERVICE
Document TOS-1981 · Effective August 1981 · Last revised whenever Gerald found this tab
Classification: PUBLIC-ISH · Binding on all visitors, organs, and triangulation subsidiaries · Companion document: Privacy Policy
§1 Acceptance of These Terms
By accessing bencorp.net, looking at Ben's Wallet, submitting a memo, or otherwise remaining alive in the general vicinity of this site, you agree to these Terms of Service (the "Terms"). If you do not agree, close the tab. Gerald has 47 others you can borrow.
These Terms are a binding agreement between you and BenCorp International Holdings, LLC, Ltd., GmbH, S.A., Pty. ("BenCorp," "we," "us"), a wholly owned subsidiary of One Guy From Green Bay, synergized August 1981, headquartered in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
§2 What This Site Is (And Is Not)
BenCorp is a satirical anatomical holding company. The organs have titles. The titles have opinions. Nothing on this site is medical advice, financial advice, legal advice, career advice, or advice of any kind. Do not defibrillate a real person because of the button in the corner.
Employee names, organ assignments, SHAPES notices, wallet tiers, and internal memos are fiction presented for entertainment. Any resemblance to your actual liver is coincidental and, frankly, none of our business.
§3 Eligibility
You must be old enough in your jurisdiction to form a contract. You must not be Gary. Gary is excluded. Always. See §13 (Gary Policy).
If you are accessing the site on behalf of an organ, division, or triangulation subsidiary, you represent that you have authority to bind that organ. Linda may sigh. That is not a veto.
§4 License to Use the Site
We grant you a limited, revocable, non-exclusive, non-transferable, non-sublicensable license to view the site for personal, non-commercial, moderately stressed use. You may not scrape, resell, reverse-engineer Carl, or represent yourself as the Appendix.
You will not: (a) interfere with the site; (b) attempt to log into Gerald's 47 tabs; (c) submit memos consisting solely of the word "Karen" more than is strictly necessary; (d) impersonate an Internal Organs Division employee; or (e) invite Gary.
§5 Ben's Wallet & Subscriptions
Ben's Wallet is a triangulation subsidiary of SHAPES, offered as satire. Listed prices, billable events, and "lifetime" plans are parody product packaging. Completing a fake checkout in the preview does not charge a real wallet, including Ben's.
If a real payment integration is ever switched on, charges, taxes, and cancellations will be described at the point of sale and will still be subject to §12 (Refunds). Monthly plans may be cancelled by contacting Kevin. Lifetime plans continue for the lifetime. There are no refunds from the Lifetime.
Wallet Insufficiency is a recognized Force Majeure event. An attempted billable event still counts against your allocation. The wallet has opinions.
§6 User Memos & Other Submissions
Memos sent via Contact are routed to HR / Filtration (Karen). Response time: undefined. You retain whatever rights you have in your memo; you grant BenCorp a license to read it, filter it, lose it in tab 34, and (if we ever store it) keep it long enough to regret it.
Do not submit secrets, health data, payment card numbers, or anyone else's personal information. Do not submit anything unlawful, threatening, or that would make Frank open a new grudge file.
§7 Intellectual Property
The site, including the BEN CORP wordmark, navy/gold trade dress, organ directory, SHAPES notices, and copy, is owned by BenCorp or its licensors. All Bens Reserved. A division of NerdyADHD.org.
You may share links. You may quote short passages with attribution. You may not republish the media kit as your own media kit. The Appendix is still reviewing whether that would even work.
§8 Third-Party Properties
Outbound links (including SHAPES advertisements for Your AI C-Suite, Your Human Suite™, Humanifying™, and related properties) are not under our control. Visiting them is at your own triangulation risk. Their terms, not ours, apply once you leave.
Google Fonts may load Orbitron and Share Tech Mono. That is a third-party service. We did not ask Gerald to approve the font license. He would have opened a tab about it.
§9 Disclaimers
THE SITE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE," WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, UNINTERRUPTED UPTIME, OR THAT CARL WILL EVER RETIRE.
We do not warrant that the organ directory is medically accurate, that the shock button is FDA-cleared, or that Karen will reply. Steve is "fine." That is not a warranty either.
§10 Limitation of Liability
TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, BENCORP AND ITS ORGANS, OFFICERS, CONTRACTORS, AND ONE GUY FROM GREEN BAY SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, OR ANY LOSS OF PROFITS, DATA, GOODWILL, TACOS, OR STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY.
Our total liability for any claim arising out of the site will not exceed the greater of (a) USD $0.00 actually paid by you to BenCorp in the three months before the claim, or (b) one (1) complimentary sense of proximity to wealth. Some jurisdictions do not allow certain limitations; those limits apply to the fullest extent allowed.
§11 Indemnification
You will defend and indemnify BenCorp, its Internal Organs Division, and One Guy From Green Bay against claims arising from your misuse of the site, your memos, or your attempt to bill Ben's Wallet in a manner not authorized by these Terms. Kevin may stress-sweat. That is a documented side effect, not a breach.
§12 Refunds
Satirical catalog items are not sold as live goods. If a real charge ever posts, contact Kevin within ten (10) business days. Refunds are discretionary, slow, and subject to Patricia's accounting calendar.
Lifetime Pro cannot be cancelled. Wallet Insufficiency does not create a refund. Attempts still count. The Appendix approved the math.
§13 Gary Policy
Gary (Gallbladder, Bile Storage) was separated from service in February 2017 after creating a "situation." Gary is not eligible to subscribe, submit memos, appear in the employee directory as active personnel, or be missed.
The file is sealed. Periodic review has consistently concluded: Gary remains excluded. Attempts to reverse this policy will be routed to Karen and then, for safety, to Frank.
§14 Changes
We may update these Terms. Continued use after posting is acceptance. Material changes may be announced on the Blog, assuming Gerald finds the publish button under the other tabs.
§15 Governing Law
These Terms are governed by the laws of the State of Wisconsin, without regard to conflict-of-law rules. Exclusive venue is the state or federal courts located in Brown County, Wisconsin, except that BenCorp may seek injunctive relief anywhere Carl is still clocked in.
§16 Contact
Questions about these Terms: submit a memo on the Contact page. Legal notices: BenCorp, Internal Organs Division, Green Bay, Wisconsin. Do not mail Gary.
All Bens Reserved · Gary excluded · Carl refuses retirement
CONTROLLING LEGAL TEXT · 8PT · EFFECTIVE SEPTEMBER 10, 2026
The numbered sections above are satire and do not form the contract. This Fine Print is the entire Terms of Service (the “Agreement”) between you and the operator of https://bencorp.net, doing business as BEN CORP (“BenCorp,” “we,” “us”), located in Green Bay, Wisconsin, USA. By accessing or using the website, you agree to this Agreement and the Privacy Policy. If you do not agree, do not use the site.
1. Operator. BenCorp is a trade name for the natural person who operates this website. References to holding companies, organs, SHAPES, and subsidiaries are fictional branding, not separate legal entities unless we later form one and say so here.
2. The service. The site is an entertainment and commentary publication. Content is satirical and fictional except where it clearly identifies a real person, product, or company. Nothing on the site is medical, legal, financial, or other professional advice. The “shock” control and similar UI are jokes and are not medical devices.
3. Eligibility. You must be at least 13 years old, or the age of digital consent in your jurisdiction if higher, and able to form a contract. If you use the site on behalf of an organization, you represent that you have authority to bind it.
4. License; acceptable use. We grant you a limited, revocable, non-exclusive, non-transferable license to access the site for personal, non-commercial use. You will not: (a) scrape, crawl, or overload the site except via ordinary browsers or public search engines; (b) attempt to bypass security or access non-public systems; (c) interfere with other users; (d) use the site to violate law; (e) misrepresent affiliation with BenCorp; or (f) copy, frame, or redistribute substantial portions of the site without permission except as allowed by fair use or similar doctrines.
5. User submissions. If you send information through Contact or otherwise, you grant BenCorp a worldwide, royalty-free license to use that material to operate, moderate, and improve the site and to respond to you. You represent that you have the right to send it and that it does not infringe others’ rights or contain unlawful content. Do not submit sensitive personal data, payment card numbers, or another person’s information.
6. Intellectual property. The site (including text, layout, graphics, logos, and the BEN CORP name) is owned by BenCorp or its licensors and is protected by copyright, trademark, and other laws. All rights not expressly granted are reserved. Third-party names and marks belong to their owners and are used for commentary, identification, or satire.
7. Third-party services. The site may link to third-party websites and load resources from third parties (including Google Fonts and our hosting provider). We do not control those services. Their terms and privacy practices apply to your use of them. BenCorp is not responsible for third-party content, products, or policies.
8. Wallet and prices. “Ben’s Wallet,” subscription tiers, and listed prices are parody unless a checkout actually charges a real payment method. If we enable paid transactions, the price, taxes, cancellation, and refund terms shown at purchase will control for that transaction.
9. Disclaimer of warranties. THE SITE IS PROVIDED “AS IS” AND “AS AVAILABLE.” TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, WE DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. WE DO NOT WARRANT THAT THE SITE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, OR THAT CONTENT IS ACCURATE OR COMPLETE.
10. Limitation of liability. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, BENCORP AND ITS OWNER, AFFILIATES, AND SUPPLIERS WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, OR ANY LOSS OF PROFITS, DATA, OR GOODWILL, ARISING OUT OF THE SITE OR THIS AGREEMENT, WHETHER IN CONTRACT, TORT, OR OTHERWISE, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY. OUR TOTAL LIABILITY FOR ANY CLAIM WILL NOT EXCEED THE GREATER OF (A) THE AMOUNT YOU PAID US FOR THE SITE IN THE THREE MONTHS BEFORE THE CLAIM OR (B) USD $50. SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW CERTAIN LIMITATIONS; THOSE LIMITATIONS APPLY TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED.
11. Indemnity. You will defend and indemnify BenCorp and its owner against claims, damages, and expenses (including reasonable attorneys’ fees) arising from your misuse of the site, your submissions, or your violation of this Agreement or of law.
12. Termination. We may suspend or stop providing the site, or your access to it, at any time. Sections that by their nature should survive (including 6–11, 13, and 14) will survive.
13. Governing law; disputes. This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of Wisconsin, excluding conflict-of-law rules. Exclusive venue for disputes is the state or federal courts in Brown County, Wisconsin, and you consent to personal jurisdiction there, except that we may seek injunctive relief in any court of competent jurisdiction. If you are a consumer in a jurisdiction that prohibits this venue clause, that jurisdiction’s mandatory rules apply instead.
14. Miscellaneous. This Agreement is the entire agreement about the site and supersedes prior terms. If a provision is unenforceable, the rest remains in effect. Failure to enforce a provision is not a waiver. You may not assign this Agreement without our consent; we may assign it. We may update this Agreement by posting a revised version. Continued use after the effective date is acceptance. Notices may be posted on the site or sent to contact information you provide.
15. Contact. Legal notices and questions: use the Contact page or write BEN CORP, Green Bay, Wisconsin, USA, or email ben@bencorp.net.